12 Years A Wife…

Today October 4th, my husband Hasani and I celebrated 12 years of marriage!! If you follow me on any of my social media sites you know that I celebrated our love all day. I spammed timelines throughout the day of pictures from our past and current love story. Part of my reason for spamming timelines was because I wanted my friends and family to see the positive depiction of “black love”. Not often do we see a positive depiction of “black love” in our families or within our communities. Our social media feeds are often littered with stereotypes of what our society has portrayed “black love” to look like. The narrative is often portrayed as the single mom raising her children alone or the baby daddy that has abandoned his baby mama. Yes, we can look at Michelle and Barack or Lebron and Savannah as a positive reflection of “black love”; however, it is different when it is reflected within your own peer group or community.

12 years a wife!! What does that even mean?! That means that over the past 12 years I have learned a lot about myself as a woman and as a person. Over the past 12 years I have grown from a 24 year old young lady to a 36 year old woman, mother of 3. I am nowhere near the young lady I was 12 years ago. 12 years ago I was in my last year of graduate school and if I could just be honest I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Truthfully, all I knew is that I loved Hasani and that he wanted me to be his wife and I wanted him to be my husband. There was no blueprint that we had to go by it was just up to us and God.

As I mentioned I have grown so much since the day I said “I do” 12 years ago. The next question that may come to your mind is “how have you grown as a woman and as a wife in 12 years”? Well, I am going to share with you 12 things that I have learned over the last 12 years that has shaped me as a woman and as a wife.

1. I have learned to pray and seek God first in all things regarding my marriage and my life.
2. I have learned to work through my own trauma and not displace it.
3. I have learned to befriend other Christian married women and seek marital consult from them when needed.
4. I have learned to find myself a hobby or invest in things that interest me outside of my marriage.
5. I have learned that all battles are not worth fighting.
6. I have learned that my husband comes before my children and before all others, everyone except God.
7. I have learned to keep people out of my marriage.
8. I have learned that I am not his mother and I cannot fix nor change him.
9. I have learned to accept him and his flaws.
10. I have learned that I am not perfect and neither is he.
11. I have learned that having fun and laughing is a necessity.
12. I have learned that I am a movement by myself but I am force when we’re together.

So there you have it, 12 things that I have learned over the course of 12 years of marriage. Neither Hasani or I grew up in homes were marriage was depicted in a positive manner. His parents divorced when he was in the 8th grade and I was raised by a single mother. We are both dedicated to changing the narrative of what marriage looked like for us growing up. These 12 lessons are lessons that I have had to learn by trial and error or just by looking at other people’s marriages.

My prayer is that my daughter will see in her father how her future husband should treat her and also how her future husband should lead and protect his family. I want our children to see that marriage is favorable and honorable and that it is by God’s design for you to love someone just as God loves you.

Now whether you are married or not, I pray that you can take at least one of the 12 things that I have learned and apply it to your own marriage or relationship. Marriage is work and it takes two!!

Best,

Alexia

Life Handed Me Lemons, So I Made Lemonade!!

We have finally arrived to the month of December!! 2020 has pretty much felt like a twilight zone. It has been probably one of the most toughest years that many of us has experienced. I don’t think anyone is exempt from the hardships of 2020 and if you feel like you are then KUDOS to YOU!! However, for the rest of us who may have felt the pressure and stress of this year I am right there with you and trust me you are not alone. Although, 2020 has brought its share of challenges, tears, and hardships it has also brought its share of lessons, blessings, and success. I know you are probably saying how can tears, lessons, and blessings be used simultaneous in the same sentence. Well, it is easy when you decide to take the lemons that you were given and make lemonade.

During our last Sundae Sunday, Khristian and I discussed how we have turned our lemons into lemonade. The pandemic has been just as hard on her just as it has been on me. I don’t believe anyone thought that we would be in the same place we were 8 months ago. We cannot take for granted that our children’s brains has fully processed what has happened in the last 8 months. Yet, we can show our girls how to take those lemons and make the best lemonade EVER!! As a mom it is up to us to show our girls how to show up during hard times. We are our girls first example of ” We Can Do Hard Things”!! That is not just a saying but that is a fact! Black women are known to come through, squeeze their lemons, and make some bomb lemonade. So many powerful women has come before us and has shown us that we are fierce and that we can pretty much do anything that we put our minds to. Yes, this pandemic has been hard. Yes, we have had to adjust to a new way of doing things. And yes, we have had to overcome some major challenges, but through it all we have yet to give up!! Oh, and trust we will NOT not give up.

While talking to Khristian about her lemons, we have made a choice to make lemonade out of the lemons that we have been given this year. We acknowledged that 2020 has pretty much been a difficult year for our family as well as for our friends. Listening to her perspective of 2020 allowed me the opportunity to reshape and reframe her view and mindset of 2020. No, we cannot change the challenges that has taken place this year but what we can change is how we respond to the challenges that have taken place. Losing my grandfather this year was a pretty huge blow to my family and I. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, sometimes the grief can be very overwhelming, yet I have chosen to focus on the countless memories that I have of him. Homeschooling is another challenge or lemon that this year has brought us. Virtual learning has stretched many of us completely out of our comfort zones. Relearning 3rd grade math was definitely not my ideal way of spending my 8 hour work day; yet I am doing it and she’s actually passing math. There are so many lemons that I can identify; however, I am choosing to take those bitter lemons and turn them into some good ol’ pink lemonade and have people wondering how I did it. We must teach our children that although the obvious is evident we have to make the decision to CHANGE our mindset. Trust me I know it is hard to do and it often takes practice but if you want to stay mentally strong for yourself and your family, you are going to have to change your mindset.

Our mind will do exactly what we tell it to do. If we choose to turn our lemons into pink lemonade and have people wondering how we did it than that is exactly what we will do. If we limit ourselves to only thinking about the negative things that has happened this year then we will surely miss out on the beauty of the things that has taken place this year. Sometimes the most bitter lemons make the best lemonade. Remember it is all about our mindset and the way we choose to embrace our lemons. Now go and make some pink lemonade!!

Best,

Alexia

Hey Sis, It’s Been A Minute!!

Hey Sis!! It has been a minute since we have chatted. After the loss of my grandfather it has been very hard for me to find my mojo. It was almost like the impact of the grief would not allow me to find the words to write a blog post. Although, Khristian and I have had our traditional Sundae Sunday dates, I just could not find the strength to write. It has been exactly a month and 9 days since the passing of my grandfather and I feel that I am ready and in a place to write again.

Sometimes I believe as black women we are not kind to ourselves enough to realize it is okay to rest. It is okay to “chill out” from being everything to everybody. We often pretend or put on a facade that we are okay with the cape on our backs yet we are literally caving on the inside. I have made it up in my mind that I will not allow myself to be that woman. Unfortunately, it took the passing of my grandfather to realize that I can not be everything to everybody. I can only do what I can for myself. For a couple of weeks I felt guilty for not blogging. I felt like I was letting myself down because it was something that I looked forward to doing. Blogging is therapeutic for me and yet I didn’t even feel like opening my laptop. I guess what I am trying to say is that as women, particularly black women, we are allowed to give ourselves a pass on the things that matters most to us. Definitely if it means giving up some things to allow us the space to heal.

Grief is something that will paralyze you if you allow it to. It can almost make you feel like that at any time you have been hit by a ginormous wave out of nowhere. Seriously, one minute you feel like you got the hang of it and the next minute you feel debilitated. For the last 6 weeks that is how I have felt. One minute I am smiling and the next I am overrun with sorrow or one minute I am laughing and the next minute I am angry at EVERYBODY. If you have experienced grief on any level, you know exactly what I am talking about. As painful as it has been I have allowed myself to feel each and every emotion that comes with the grief. I have embraced every stage of it that I have found myself in. It is my belief that it is important to embrace grief because it is necessary for your healing to do so.

In the African American community we do not talk much about grief or anything regarding feelings and emotions for that matter. Grief and how we handle it is just not something we discuss in our community. Grief mirrors the stigma that we often associate with mental health. Well let me tell you sis, FREE YOURSELF from the stigma of grief and mental illness. Losing a love one is never easy and you should feel safe enough and okay to mourn them in your own way. I am not in a position to share with you that after a certain time you should be done with grieving. That is just not fair for me to tell you that. However, I will say that after a certain period of grieving and not finding some normalcy back in your routine you may want to seek out a professional. As I mentioned, those emotions will hit you like a wave out of nowhere and a professional can help you to “ride” those waves a bit easier.

At the age of 36 I have lost 3 of my grandparents and each time the last one hurts just as much as the previous one. Neither loss outweighs the other; however, this last one felt slightly different. I had to really be intentional with not allowing my grief to consume me. It was almost like I had to stay in front of it. I am sure you are asking yourself, what is she talking about?!? What I mean is that I had to be intentional with spending time with those that I love and care about the most and also being intentional with my self care. I have dedicated myself to running 3-4 times per week with a running group and as a matter of fact this weekend I am hosting a “Friendsgiving” with 3 of my closest friends. Doing those things are therapeutic for me and has allowed me not to isolate myself alone in my grief.

Now sis, one thing I can promise and assure you of is that the sting of death will surely come knocking on each one of our doors. The grief that comes along with it will almost feel unbearable; yet one thing I know for sure is that you will survive it. You will live through it, you will grow through it, and you will come out stronger on the other side. Be well and be free.

Best,

Alexia

Hey Queen, Don’t Let Your Crown Slip!!

I often tell Khristian to hold her head up otherwise her crown will slip. The crown is a metaphor used to remind her to keep her head up and to use her voice.

At our last Sundae Sunday while eating mini Strawberry Shortcake ice cream cones (they are delicious btw) we discussed exactly what mommy means when she says, “Khristian, your crown is slipping”. I explained to her that during the times when she becomes upset, sad, or angry she must keep her head up. Let me be clear that it is natural for all of us to feel those emotions. Generationally, as a child it was not always smiled upon for me to express my feelings and emotions. It almost felt like as a child, adults were the only ones that were able to express their emotions. I often encourage my daughter to verbalize her thoughts and feelings when she experience emotions of sadness, fear, and disappointment. I am reminded as a black woman how we so often have to shelter our feelings by not speaking up and not saying something based off of the stereotypes that has been placed on us (i.e. “the angry black woman” and “aggressive”). Although, my goal is never intended for my daughter or myself to be labeled in such a way, we must be deliberate in speaking our truth. For me, this starts at home. It is important for me to share with my daughter the importance of using her voice. So often the world will try to silence our girl’s voices but as her mother we have to empower them to speak up and to use their voice. Remembering to keep her crown in place provides her with the confidence she needs when she feels the need to speak up and use her voice…just like the Queen she is!!

Raising a black daughter is not for the faint of heart. I am always trying to protect her from the social schemas that plague our sisterhood of being a black woman. Raising a black daughter that attends a predominately white school and having predominately white friends is definitely not for the faint of heart. Reminding her to stand in her truth and to use her voice is something that my husband and I have been encouraging our daughter to do for as long as I can remember. I can recall when a little white girl would come over to our house and would literally take over their play date. For example, Khristian would be playing outside with her soccer ball and the little girl would disregard what Khristian was playing and would instead recommend playing something else, instead of Khristian saying “no, I don’t want to play”, she would agree to go on a scavenger hunt for insects in the backyard; all while knowing that she absolutely hates bugs. Well one day my girl found her voice and told that little girl in the most confident way that she did not like bugs and that she wanted to play what she wanted to play. After all, it was her yard for goodness sake.

I know you are probably trying to draw the relevance between my story and me telling our girls to keep their crown on straight and not let them slip. Well, for me the crown metaphorically represents so much. It represents our voice, our strength, our confidence, our value, and so much more. Hearing Khristian telling the neighbor, “I’m good sis” was a reflection of her adorning her crown. As a black women it is important for us to empower our little black girls to use their voice and rock their crowns when they are faced with adversity and challenges from other races and from people alike. I don’t want my daughter to ever stand down from adversity or a challenge because of the color of her skin or because of the stereotypes that are associated with her being a black woman. My goal is for her to always feel empowered to speak her truth.

We can help our girls to keep their crowns straight by encouraging them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings and by not being afraid to speak their truth. We can support them by listening to them and supporting their ideas and thoughts. Lastly, we can validate their emotions when they disclose their hurt, pain, fear and disappointment.

So today as I conclude this post I want to encourage you to keep your crown on straight too. Just as our girls need to be reminded we as mothers do as well. We have to be reminded to focus on our self care; otherwise your crown will slip because you are depleted from the responsibility of motherhood. We have to be reminded often to refill our cups because as you know you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Now Queen, I say go in peace and raise your daughter to be the Queen that she was designed to be. Mom, you are an awesome role model to show her how to wear her crown.

Best,

Alexia

The Sunday Scoop!! Building A Community of Dope Moms and Dope Daughters

For the first time, our brand and blog hosted our first virtual meet up the “Sunday Scoop”. Once a month our brand is dedicating Sundae Sundays to a community of mothers and daughters of color to gather with one another for strength, love, and support…and to eat ice cream!!

Our first “Sunday Scoop” was our time to discuss the good, bad, and the ugly as we navigate the waters of virtual learning. We listened to our girls tell us their thoughts about not being able to socialize with their peers; however, we heard their fondness of being home everyday. Many of the mothers stated that initially things started out rough, but have started to smooth out. As we aired our grievances about virtual learning, we collectively came to a consensus that currently this is the best option to keep our children safe and healthy.

The best part about the “Sunday Scoop” is when our community of mothers shared tactics that is currently working for them during this time. Mom, Jazmyn, a school guidance counselor, stated that having her daughter’s schedule nearby on her daughter’s desk has been a big help. Many of us shared that often times we feel scattered with the different times of logging into the various classes and scheduled breaks, etc. We agreed that having the school schedules printed and posted nearby would be helpful. Secondly, I mentioned that Khristian stated that she felt a little stressed with all of the changes. I wonder how can a 8 year old be stressed? But you know what, they can certainly be stressed because this is a different and stressful time for all of us. After listening to her explain to me why she felt stressed, I went to Dollar General and put her together a “Wind Down Bag”. The “Wind Down Bag” is utilized after school and after breaks. It is also a way to cut down on screen time during the school day. I shared with the mothers what the “Wind Down Bag” consisted of. The “Wind Down Bag” consists of a coloring book, an activity book, a stress ball, slime, markers, crayons, and putty.

The first “Sunday Scoop” was a huge success!!! I am excited about the community that will grow out of this. We are building a community of dope mothers raising dope daughters. The more support and community we have to be conscious and intentional about raising fearless and unapologetic girls, the better.

I once heard someone quote “the thing about parenting, we either repeat history unintentionally or redeem our story intentionally”.

Best,

Alexia

You Are More Than Pretty…Building Our Girl’s Self-Esteem

As far as I can remember I have always had my struggles with low self-esteem. I have had my share of picking apart certain parts of myself that I wish I could do away with or run away from. From the moment the doctor informed me that I was having a girl, I vowed that I would never project any of my insecurities onto my daughter. I promised that I would never magnify her insecurities but celebrate those things that make her different and unique.

As mothers it is very easy for us to project our own insecurities onto our girls. For example, if your weight is something that you are insecure with you may find yourself focusing on your daughter’s eating to ensure that she does not gain to much weight. You may call it protecting her from the things you had to deal with, but in fact mom, you are projecting. Yes, I agree as mothers we should be mindful of what our daughters are eating; however, we should not direct it towards her weight. We have to be mindful of the things that we say and do as it pertains to our girls.

Young children have relatively high self-esteem, which gradually declines over childhood. Self-esteem continues to decline during adolescence, perhaps due to a decrease in body image and other problems associated with puberty, academics and social challenges (Apgar, 2018, p.74-75). As children develop cognitively, they begin to base their self-evaluations on external feedback and social comparisons. Adolescent boys have higher self-esteem than adolescent girls.

I mentioned that I have always struggled with some form of low self-esteem. I can pick myself apart better than anybody on this earth. Give me 5 minutes and I can run down every one of my imperfections. However, because of this I am extra cognizant about talking with Khristian about her self esteem and its importance.

Talking to Khristian about her self-esteem made me realize that our children are literally born with a blank slate. From the minute our daughters are born we write on the slate of who they are and who they ultimately can become. As mothers, we have a small window of time and opportunity to build and shape our daughter’s confidence so that she can pursue her dreams no matter how big or small. Self-esteem goes far beyond how often we tell our girls how beautiful and pretty they are. Self-esteem is about our girls knowing who they are and how capable they are of achieving anything they put their mind to. Self-esteem is our girls knowing and realizing that they are enough…more than enough.

During Khristian and I last “Sundae Sunday” she made it very clear that her self esteem was off the charts. Her self confidence was recently boosted to an all time high when she was placed in the academically gifted program this school year. Y’all’s niece thinks she is the smartest thang walking around the house. Her swag has literally been on a thousand since she found out. Although, I am very pleased that she thinks very highly of herself I had to remind her that she may also want to serve a dose of humility along side all of that confidence. Do I want her to tone it down a notch, not at all. I just want her to stay humble. There’s definitely a fine line between high self esteem and humility. As mothers we have to model to our girls where that line is. But in the meantime let us not dim their light of self-confidence because I can assure you that the world will try.

Yes, the world will try to dimmer our brown girl’s light of self-confidence. You can bet on that!! This world will try to eat them up and spit them out if we do not instill in them their value and their worth. As a mother of a little brown girl it is my responsibility to model to her what self-esteem and self-confidence looks like as well as how to define it.

From one mother to another here are a few tips on building your growing girl’s self-esteem and self-confidence:

• Encourage your daughter to learn new things.
• Allow your daughter to take risks and challenge herself.
• Allow them to make age appropriate choices and take responsibility for their choices.
• Do not project your insecurities onto her. That’s your stuff, not hers.
• Focus on your daughter’s strengths.
• Remind her that she’s more than pretty.

Building your daughter’s self-esteem is an ongoing part of parenting. The way we interact with our daughters will determine the type of woman they will become.

I hope you have found this blog to be helpful. What tips can you share that you have found to be successful in building your daughter’s confidence.

Best,

Alexia

A Conversation Worth Having: This School Year Will Be Different, Are You Ready?

Going back to school is traditionally a time when our children are excited about wearing their new outfits, new shoes, and rocking their new bookbags. They are overly excited about seeing their old friends from last year, meeting new friends, and meeting their new teacher. Everything about the first day of school screams “FRESH & NEW”!! As parents this is the time of the year where we beam with pride at how much our babies have grown. Yet, we still have a moment of sadness because our kids are getting older and they are no longer those cute little babies they were the year before. On the first day of school we pose our kids in the front yard with their cute little outfits on and take their “obligatory first day of school” picture. Some of y’all are probably exhaling a deep sigh of relief because you know this is your kid’s last year of high school and you are beyond ready for her to go…#nojudgementzone.

Whatever your feelings are about the first day of school or whatever traditions your family has been accustomed to, this school year will be different. This school year our kids will be starting school in their pajamas and/or leggings. Instead of pretty pink notebooks and unicorn bookbags they will have Chromebooks and WIFI’s. From a kindergartner to a senior in high school this will be a lot to understand and surely a lot to process. For me it is hard to process so I can only imagine what a child may think about all of this.

During our last “Sundae Sunday”, Khristian and I talked about how her upcoming school year will possibly look. At the time we didn’t know who her teacher would be; therefore she was still in “summer mode” and didn’t really give me any concrete thoughts about returning back to school. She was pretty nonchalant about it all until her teacher assignment letter came. When the teacher assignment letter came in the mail it became real to her. She ran up to her room and grabbed her yearbook from the past school year to look up her new teacher. She was ecstatic about meeting her new teacher until she remembered that she wouldn’t physically meet her until mid October. At that time I knew by the look on her face we needed to have an impromptu “Sundae Sunday”.

She and I grabbed some leftover Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and discussed her feelings about not physically seeing her friends and meeting her new teacher for approximately 9 weeks into the school year. I listened to her as she processed her thoughts about things being different for her this school year. “Sundae Sunday” is a time where I do more listening rather than talking. She stated that she was excited about going back to school and that she was excited about eventually meeting her new teacher. She mentioned that she did not have any major thoughts about not seeing her friends or meeting new friends for the next 9 weeks. She stated that although she misses school; she is okay with starting back to school virtually. We have enrolled her in a remote learning support program. The program will allow her to maintain her schedule and routine as well as provide her the social interaction that she needs for her overall wellbeing. Sometimes you have you have to do what works for you and your child. Overall, I would say that she appears to be pretty optimistic about the upcoming school year.

Now, trust me I understand that all children are not going to handle this conversation like Khristian. There are some children who are currently experiencing major anxiety behind not starting school within the next few weeks. There are some children who are aware of their personal circumstances and because of that it makes them very uneasy about not returning back to school. There are some children who thrive off having peer social interaction and not being able to go to school can lead to some form of depression for them.

Now parents as you are having this conversation, make sure you are doing more listening than talking. Listening is always the key!! I know that we can be quick to offer a solution to our children’s problems but often times our own anxieties can fuel our children’s anxieties.

So as you are having the back to school conversation with your child, I would encourage you to do the following things:

1. Remain calm and try not to project your anxieties or fears onto your child.
2. Review their school schedule and their new routine prior to the 1st day of school.
3. Try to maintain as much normalcy as you can during this time. Take the obligatory 1st day of school picture!! Wake them up just as excited as you were if they were heading to the bus stop on the 1st day of school.
4. Encourage them to communicate with their peers during this time.
5. Always make yourself available if your child needs to talk. Remember less talking and more listening.
6. Show yourself grace. This is new for everyone, including you. Things are different for everyone and its okay not to have all of the answers.
7. If your child is not handling the changes very well, I would encourage you to seek out professional assistance.

So as we gear up for the 2020-2021 school year, one thing we can bet on is ourselves. We can bet that we will do whatever we need to do to make sure that our children will have their BEST school year yet!! Despite the changes that may come our way we will always show up for our children and be our best selves in spite of it all. But in the meantime, show yourself some grace mama!! WE GOT THIS!!!!!!

Sundae Sunday’s Favorite Products For The Growing Girl!!

As I conclude this blog series regarding our growing girls and the changes in their body, I will be remised if I did not share some of my favorite things while on this journey through puberty and such. These are a few of our favorite things that have proven to be a healthy benefit for my daughter, my growing girl.

1. Luxe Fragrance Bar- 100% Shea Butter Soufflé This 100% shea butter is perfect for ALL SKIN TYPES. This product helps to keep Khristian’s skin hydrated and moisturized especially during the winter months. I begin using this product on my son when he was experiencing dry skin on his legs and back. It is very airy and light. This product is highly recommended for people with Eczema. This has become a Mitchell family favorite!! Check out the website at http://www.luxefragrancebar.com!! Use the code “sundae” for 10% off your purchase!!!

2. Lizzie’s All Natural Products-All Natural Deodorant This deodorant is baking soda free, aluminum free, paraben free and non toxic. I purchased the Lemongrass-Bergamot scented deodorant for Khristian and I. It smells so good and citrusy!! It comes in Lavender as well. Moms and daughters can both use this deodorant to smell and feel fresh all day!! Check out the website at http://www.productsbylizzie.com. Use the coupon code “sundaesunday” to receive 10% off your total purchase!!

3. Dove Sensitive Skin Beauty Bar I know that Dove has caught a lot of bad publicity over the years in regards to their marketing and lack of diversity. Yet, I am the first to say that Dove works very well for my daughter and I. Dove is a product that is suitable for daily use on her face and body. The Dove Sensitive Skin Beauty Bar is hypoallergenic and does not dry out her skin. Dove products can be purchased at any big box retailer.

4. The Honey Pot Feminine Wash- Moms, I am recommending this product for us!! Thank Me Later!! The Honey Pot Feminine Wash is a product that I love, love, LOVE!! This vaginal wash formula is 100% all natural and is made with all herbal ingredients. This amazing product can be purchased at Target!!

These are some of my favorite products for my growing girl Khristian. I also threw in one for my moms too….I can’t forget about us!! If you have any products that have worked for your growing girl or products that you are currently using. Please share!!

5 Tips on Having the “Body Talk”

1. Start “The Body Talk” Early– By the time your daughter is 8 years old you should have already had the body talk with them. Don’t wait until your daughter come to you to talk about the changes in her body; or better yet don’t wait until someone tells her that she smells before you purchase her some deodorant. The last thing you want is for one of her friends to talk to her before you do because more than likely they will be wrong. Be open and honest during your conversation because trust me the conversation may feel awkward or embarrassing at times. Although this is a serious topic, laugh and have fun with it!! Remember you don’t have to cover everything in one conversation.

2. Provide Normalcy and Reassurance – Puberty can often leave our girls feeling lonely and insecure. As her breast buds start to appear and her hormones start to shift it can be pretty confusing for a 3rd grader….especially if you are the only girl in your class wearing a training bra. Normalizing her feelings and reassuring her that everyone will experience these changes will assure her that she is “normal” and that she is not alone.

3. Always Make Yourself Available– Sundae Sundays are a good time to talk to your daughter about her body changes; however, you should always make yourself available to talk with your daughter. I would recommend you to initiate the conversation, instead of waiting for her to come to you. More than likely she will not approach you. Take the lead with addressing her feelings about the changes as well as being open and transparent about your feeling related to her growing up…because after all she IS growing up.

4. Don’t Worry About Saying Everything Perfectly- It doesn’t matter if you don’t have all of the answers. The main thing is that she is hearing it from you. Just take a deep breath and do the best you can. If there is something you feel that you cannot answer, contact her doctor or utilize this handy dandy tool called “Google”.

5. Points to Emphasize To Her- There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone goes through puberty. She is perfectly healthy and normal. She can come to you at anytime with questions or concerns regarding her body.

References:

Breech, Lesley. “Puberty in Girls: Conversation Starters for Parents”. https://blog.cincinnatichildrens.org/learning-and-growing/talking-with-girls-about-puberty.

Dowshen, Steven. “Talking To Your Child About Puberty”. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/talk-about-puberty.html.

HAPPY “NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY”!!

I bet you didn’t know there was such a thing, did you? Or maybe you did!!! Apparently “National Ice Cream Day” became a national holiday due to President Reagan wanting to commemorate the sweet treat on the third Sunday of July…How sway, who knew?!?! I will say that any day to eat ice cream is a treat within itself.

Khristian and I celebrated the holiday by indulging in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s “Half Baked” ice cream. The “Half Baked” is a mixture of chocolate and vanilla ice cream with gobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and fudge brownies. That ice cream was so good we didn’t even capture a picture. If you are on any kind of diet please disregard, ok.

After a long 7 days of being away Khristian returned home yesterday. She and her brother HJ went to Maryland to visit with their PaPa and Mrs. Katie. Oh, me on the other hand I enjoyed some rest and relaxation with my baby daddy, HA!!! Prior to Khristian leaving she and I had multiple conversations about how to care for herself while she was gone. Conversations such as making sure that she bathed correctly, to making sure she picked up her clothes off of the bathroom floor when she finished showering, to remembering to put deodorant on everyday. In my previous post, I shared that Khristian was in the beginning phase of puberty and how her body was starting to change. Therefore, the last thing I needed was for homegirl to forget to put on her deodorant on a 97 degree day.

Our last “Sundae Sunday” before she left consisted of a run through of what her morning and nightly routine would look like. We actually repeated the same routine morning and night for a week until the day she left. She and I went through the steps of washing and bathing (you HAVE to hit those hot spots ladies), putting on deodorant and lotion, and lastly putting on her clothes. I also reminded her to make sure she grabbed all of her personal items out of the bathroom after she was done. I know much of this sounds remedial but as a young girl at the tender age of 8, personal care and hygiene starts early. I don’t think as mothers we should take for granted that we will always be around for our children. The earlier we can teach them to become self sufficient and independent the better. We also can’t take for granted that they automatically know how to care for themselves and do these things. It takes training and patience to teach our daughters these things.

Tonight, I am so excited that she and I are back at the kitchen table for this week’s “Sundae Sunday”. We caught up on her week in Maryland and how much fun she had with her Papa and Mrs. Katie. As she was going on and on about her week, all I wanted to know was “Did you pick up your clothes off the bathroom floor”? She said “Of course I did because I wasn’t at my house”…all I could do was smile and beam with pride in the inside. that note.

On that note, good night!!